It is very important to have the proper approach in order to effectively resolve a conflict. But merely solving the conflict is not enough. It is also very important to recognize what valuable lessons you learned from the situation itself.
Below are 14 questions to help you recognize the source of the argument as well as how to learn from it. Ask yourself the following after your next conflict:
1. At what point did the conflict get out of control? Was it something that the other person said that offended me? Before the fight, was there tension that already existed between me and that person?
2. What did I learn from this experience?
3. What did I learn about sensitivities, both my own and the person that I had the conflict?
4. During the argument, how well did I respect, understand, listen, and calmly state my point of view?
5. How did I manage my anger? How bad was I hurt?
6. How did my adversary manage his anger? In what ways was he hurt?
7. Did either I or my adversary change our opinions and point of views? Were we able to handle our differences?
8. Did I make the mistake of finding this conflict valuable for letting off steam?
9. Did I learn something about myself during the argument?
10. Was I able to identify my conflict style? Do I tend to avoid conflict? Am I inclined to compromise? Do I tend to be a competitor?
11. Was I able to recognize my strategy (how I deal with conflict), and my “weapons” (my methods in which to attack, criticize, argue with my adversary).
12. What do I hope for my adversary to do differently next time to avoid experiencing another conflict?
13. What do I want and expect to do differently next time to avoid experiencing another conflict?
14. Was I able to come up with a creative solution to the very core issue of the conflict?
These 14 questions will give you the encouragement to further understand yourself. In addition, by being honest with yourself these questions can help you change your behavior when it comes to dealing with conflict in the future.
Human relations fail because people do not know how to handle differences. The greatest reward in assessing the aftermath of the conflict is that it improves and deepens relationships between two people.
By John Edmond
Anger Management Classes available 7 days a week in Houston, Texas.
Gregory A. Kyles, M.A., LPC, CEAP, CAMF
Director, Anger Management Institute of Texas
Diplomate, President of Texas Chapter
American Association of Anger Management Providers