Most people do not stop to reflect upon the meaning of that question, yet typically their answer is “OK.” During the hurry of the day, it may be a bit much to consider how one might be “feeling.”
It is the very act of pausing and considering one’s feelings that are significant to anger control. Most people understand the concept of emotional intelligence – all those skills that assist people to manage their relationships successfully and are vital to conflict resolution, anger control, and positive outcome. It would be to our benefit to reflect upon the relationships we have and the feelings that arise and consider if we know how to create a win-win situation when conflict arises. Often, we are not taught the skills of emotional intelligence or conflict resolution; instead, we react and do not know how to respond.
Remember the last time you had a physical? The doctor may have stuck your knee with a small hammer, your knee reacted automatically, and your leg kicked out. This is similar to when we react in anger. At this point, our reaction is “programmed” to yell, sulk, stuff, berate, criticize, and on and on. When we embark on changing the course in our relationships with ourselves and others, we make a conscious choice to make internal changes for the better. We know our triggers, reactions, and behavior. We take accountability for our actions in anger and conflict.
Knowing how you “feel” becomes the guidance system that helps you navigate your triggers. Make the conscious choice to take charge of your feelings and your actions by resolving your conflict.
By Sonia Brill, LCSW, CAMF http://www.soniabrillconsulting.com
Anger Management Classes available 7 days a week in Houston, Texas.
Gregory A. Kyles, M.A., LPC, CEAP, CAMF
Director, Anger Management Institute of Texas
Diplomate, President of Texas Chapter
American Association of Anger Management Providers