We’ve all felt anger at some time or another – we all know how it is. There are times when you fly into a great rage and others when a small annoyance will make you feel angry and cause you to flare up. When you are angry, your instincts cause you to react with immediate aggression and to ignore how to control your anger. This is a normal, natural response that has deep roots in your physical make up, a legacy from mankind’s pre-historic origins when instinctive anger produced the powerful, aggressive feelings that were needed to fight attackers and preserve survival.
In today’s world, when you feel angry the origins of your anger can often come from within you. When you worry about nagging, persistent, personal problems and feel unable to find solutions to them, you feel a great anger surging within you. Or you may feel an internal rage derived from memories of childhood traumas or abuse that gives rise to an anger that you don’t know how to control.
It’s perfectly normal for you to get angry, just as long as you know how to control your anger. If you don’t, your anger will get you into a great deal of trouble. If you are unable to control your anger in the workplace, you can lose your job. If you don’t know how to control your anger in your relationships with others – with your family, with your friends or with your partner in life – as well as causing them much pain and grief, soon you will find yourself alone and isolated.
Perhaps the worst aspect of not knowing how to control your anger is that it leads to your anger feeding upon itself. The more trouble your anger causes you, the angrier you become. And when you get angrier, the more trouble you get into, on and on in a destructive spiral. In the end, your uncontrolled anger will cause you to crash because the rules and laws of acceptable social behavior will not allow you to express your anger in whatever way you want. But there are dangers if you do not find a way to express your anger, but keep it bottled up inside you, because it can cause you such health problems as heart trouble, high blood pressure, hypertension and/or chronic depression.
On the other hand, when you don’t know how to control your anger and how to express it in a healthy acceptable manner, but keep it suppressed inside, you turn into an unlikable sneaky person. You are aggressive towards people in indirect ways, such as underhandedly getting back at them, always criticizing or putting them down, always ready with snide remarks, resentful, cynical and deprecating of others. With such character traits you are unable to form relationships with others, which causes you to be alone and bitter, feeding even more your suppressed anger in another spiral without end.
When you know how to control your anger, you are able to deal with it by means of conscious effort and by unconscious reactions that you have trained yourself to have. You are able to express assertively and forcibly but not aggressively the anger you feel. You can say plainly what your feelings are and what you require of others, without being hostile and demanding.
If you don’t know how to control your anger, it will be obvious to you. You will be aware of frequent occasions when you are out of control, at times to a frightening extent. Whereas in the opposite case of suppressed anger, it can be that you feel bitter and angry inside, resentful and hostile towards other people, with a perpetual grievance against all and everyone, always trying to get back at others. Whatever may be your situation, if your anger is out of control either through outward aggressive behavior or from constant inward rage at the world, on the Internet you can get effective modern teaching from professional counselors on how to control your anger.
By: William Grigsby
Anger Management Classes available 7 days a week in Houston, Texas.
Gregory A. Kyles, M.A., LPC, CEAP, CAMF
Director, Anger Management Institute of Texas
Diplomate, President of Texas Chapter
American Association of Anger Management Providers